so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
