never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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