that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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