trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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