dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
