Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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