In America we eat man semen.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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