I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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