you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
