it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
