I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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