i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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