Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
