I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
