im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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