we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
