I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
high people should be assigned attendants
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
