She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
