I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
