i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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