Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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