ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
