I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
