I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
