I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
