when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize