I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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