This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
