so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
