and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
