yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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