Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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