One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Even my vagina gasped.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
