I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's always time for handjobs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
