sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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