It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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