HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
