when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
