I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
