I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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