Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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