no, he came in my armpit
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
