How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
