How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
