all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
