Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
