Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I lost the right to judge tonight
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
