The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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