I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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