ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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